Bleep!
by Adonai63
Summary: Nico hosts a bachelor party for Percy. Rachel hosts a bachelorette party for Annabeth. What's the worst thing that could happen? Read to find out. R&R. Rated T for, uh... language and... things.
1. Chapter 1

Sooo... Yeah... I have nothing to say. This story is pretty much nonsense and the point is just for humor. I'm still in a stupid smutty smut smut mood, so this came into mind. Not really smutty, but the direction of the story is pointless smut. It will still be rated T only since it won't be graphic. I'll make sure of it.

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own anything related and copyrighted by Rick Riordan and Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I don't even own the idea of a bachelor party. But whoever came up with it, you're a legend dude!

**CLAIMER: **I own this story! Mine! All mine! Mwahahaha... My precious...

**ADVERTISEMENT: **Check out my story **Just Go With The Flow**! And if you have, there's already an update! Yeah... Stupid FF. Not sending alerts.

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**Bleep! 1**

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"Booze with strippers!? Are you freaking kidding me!?" Percy screamed from the driver's seat. Nico rolled his eyes and gave him the 'duh' look.

"It's the classic bachelor party! What else would you want? If you're expecting a birthday cake and sodas with balloons, well, actually… We can arrange that if that's your kink. We can have the stripper in the cake and-"

"Nic! Please. Just. Stop," Percy said softly, emphasizing each word with a growl. He took slow breaths. _Breath in… Breath out… _"Booze yes, strippers no."

"Why not?" Nico whined.

"First of all, aren't you too young to be _hosting _this bachelor party? And like I said, you're fresh out of high school. We could supervise the booze, but strippers, nuh-uh mister."

"I'm already 18! I'm legal! And what about Grover? He's younger than me!"

"Blaa-ha-ha!" Grover bleated. "What are you talking about? I'm 35 years old for crying out loud!"

"And that's 17 and a half in human years!" Nico pointed out.

"Oh, right. Stupid satyr years," Grover grumbled.

"Why are you even grumbling? If Juniper found out, you'll be a roasted satyr," Percy said. "So, that's settled. No strippers."

"Why not?" Nico whined, _again._

"Yeah. No offense, Percy, but that's what we came for," Will added from the very backseat of the minivan.

"And I don't really drink. So, yeah. But I'll volunteer to drive you guys when you get wasted," Jake put in, next to Will.

"Wow. Just… wow. You're throwing _me _a bachelor party and _I _don't get a say in it." Percy sighed. "So, let me get this straight. We're getting strippers for you guys, and not for me, whom by the way, the bachelor party is for."

"That's the point," Travis grinned, crumpled next to Jake, Will and his twin. The mischievous teen, er, young adult poked his head up so he was blocking the scene in Percy's rearview mirror. "Don't worry, Perce. I'm sure Malcolm will cover for you if Annabeth finds out."

"Yeah. I'm all over it. It'll be easy. We'll just have to make sure to save a few boozes to use to get her wasted. We could even get a few NyQuil's just to make sure she gets knocked out," Malcolm explained from the backse-, er, middle-seat. Percy's face went blank. Who knew Malcolm had _this_ kind of side in him.

"And if she truly loves you, she'll understand," Chris added who was in between Malcolm and Grover.

"Uh, thanks," Percy replied, clearly speechless. Percy sighed. He stepped on the break at the red light and he then banged his head continuously on the driving wheel.

"Hey, I just remembered. Are we getting a _take-out_, if you know what I mean," Connor grinned mischievously. Travis gave him a high-five as Percy groaned.

"This is going to be a long night…"

"Oh, come on, Perce. It won't be that bad. I mean, the worst thing that could happen is Athena finding ou- Oh…" Nico trailed off. Percy slowly turned his head that was lying on the wheel and gave Nico a death glare. And that's when he lost it.

"I'm gonna bleeping kill you! I'll shove Riptide in your bleep, then I'll cut your bleep and give it to bleeping girl scouts for them to roast during bleeping campfires!"

"Percy-" All the guys started to panic. Percy was choking Nico to death.

"Can't… Breath…"

"If that bleeping Athena bleep _*thunder booms*_ kills me, I swear to the bleeping River Styx _*thunder booms* _I'm going to bleeping haunt you!"

"Percy, stop-"

"Calm down-"

"That bleeping King Minos haunting that bleeping Daedalus bleep will be nothing to what I'll bleeping do to you! I'll make sure you bleep your bleeping pants every bleeping second!"

"Help… Me…"

"Ooh… I found the camera!"

"I don't bleeping care if you're the bleeping son of Hades! You bleeping son of a bleep!"

"Listen, Perce-"

"Cheese!" _Click. *flash* Click. *flash* Click. *flash*_

"The stoplight's already green."

"I'm gonna bleeping bleep you, you bleeping bleep to bleeping bleep, you bleeping bleep bleep of a bleeping bleep!"

"Wow…" All of them stopped and looked horrifically at Percy for his choice of words, forgetting that he was still choking Nico who was already running out of air.

"Air… Air…" _Click. *flash*_

"BLEEEP!" The sound of the loud honks coming from the cars behind them took Percy out of his crazy and wild bleep escapade. He quickly straightened on his chair, but before he could step on the gas, the stoplight went back to red. _Breath in… Breath out…_

-one second later-

_Breath in… Breath out…_

-another second later-

"You bleeping bleep! I bleeping bleep you!"

"Percy-"

"Ooh… A video cam…"


	2. Chapter 2

Happy April Fools! I wanted to do one, but meh, fake update is old school. Anyway, had nothing better to do, so here's an update after, let's see... -counts- 27 months! Talk about bringing the dead back to life.

I have nothing much to say. Hmm...

So, here you go. It's time for the ladies! Review? Tell me if I've lost my touch!

**SERIOUS REMINDER:** This story is rated 'T' for a reason. Language and, uh... minor euphemisms...

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**Bleepity Bleep! No means No!**

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"No."

"Annabeth, just listen to me. _Please_."

"No."

"That's what Percy said when you forced yourself on him."

Annabeth was unfazed. "No."

Rachel sighed. "Fine. You leave me no choice." She held a megaphone she seemingly got out of nowhere and lifted it to her mouth. "Thalia! Thalia! THALIA!"

Thalia winced as the megaphone was blasted into her ear, momentarily deafening her. "I'm right here. Jeez..."

"Sorry." Rachel smiled sheepishly. "Anyway, Annabeth still won't say yes! Talk to her!"

"Annabeth, look. I'm with Rachel on this one. I've sworn eternal maidenhood, okay? This is one of the few times that I could actually enjoy my immortal single life."

"With strippers? _That_'s how you want to enjoy your single life?" Annabeth crossed her arms over her chest, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. "And aren't you supposed to turn your back on the company of men?"

"That's sex and love!" Thalia tossed her hands in the air. "That doesn't mean we can't look or touch them and their certain male body parts. Or, you know... watch them do something sexy with aforementioned certain male body parts." Rachel slowly stepped away from the hunter as she seemingly drooled at her own statements.

Annabeth paused for a moment and shuddered at the image her excessively visual brain conjured. "No. And give me that! You're not even legal to drink!"

"Technically, I am. On paper, I'm twenty-seven. If I didn't become a hunter, I would be twenty-four. I'm a full-legal adult embodied in a fifteen-year old."

"Sadly, with the mind of a thirteen-year old's, who only started undergoing puberty." Thalia narrowed her eyes dangerously while Rachel opened her mouth to say something, but Annabeth cut her to it. "And still no."

Rachel groaned. "C'mon, Annabeth! You know how insane it is to still have your v-card at this age! You literally drove Percy to a corner just to lose yours!" Annabeth mentally facepalm-ed. Why did she ever tell that small detail of their sex life to Rachel? "Think about us! We're going to be virgins for the rest of our lives!"

"For eternity." Thalia added with a nod.

"No."

"Ugh. This calls for drastic measures." Rachel put her megaphone to her lips. "Ladies! Annabeth still says no!"

Collective groans could be heard coming from the rest of the party's guests.

"That's what I came here for!"

"Me, too!"

"Yeah! It'd be nice to get a lap dance from someone other than Travis for a change!"

The room suddenly went silent, and all eyes turned to Katie.

"Great... Now I have an image of a half-naked Travis giving Katie a lap dance. I need to get drunk to forget about this." Annabeth quickly downed the glass of tequila she confiscated from Thalia. Rachel shot the olde-, er, younger-looking virgin. Thalia nodded.

She cleared her throat and spoke beguilingly. "So, Annabeth. Has Percy ever given you a lap dance?"

"That hunk of a seaweed? Psh! No!" Annabeth giggled slightly, completely intoxicated from just one glass. Rachel and Thalia looked at each other and grinned. _Success!_

"Haven't you ever wondered how it would feel getting a lap dance?" Rachel inquired.

Annabeth scrunched her nose. "Actually... No. I don't need one. Percy knows what he's doing when it comes to _that_, if you know what I mean." She giggled. Thalia groaned while Rachel's ears perked up in interest.

"Oh, gods. I don't need to hear details about your sex life." Thalia crossed her arms. "Let me get straight to the point. Do you want strippers or not?"

Annabeth thought for a moment and smiled. "Oh, what the hell! Why not! Yes!"

Rachel quickly raised her megaphone and screamed. "She said yes!"

Collective cheers roared throughout the living room of the soon-to-be-married couple's house.

Thalia drew close to Rachel and whispered to her ear. "You know, they're a lot more excited now than the time Percy screamed the same thing."

"Well, what can I say. Annabeth saying yes to Percy's proposal isn't much of a thing to celebrate."

-a block away from the house-

Percy sneezed. Was someone talking about him? He shook his head and drove around the corner. Then he suddenly stepped on the breaks. "Oh, bleep. She's home. Her car's in the driveway."

"Who? Oh, look. Our car's here. So this is where Katie went. I wonder what's up." That was Travis.

"And isn't that Rachel's?" That was Grover.

"And that's Drew's!" That was Nico.

Percy carefully turned to Nico, a maniacal smile on his otherwise calm face. "Who's Drew?"

"Err..." Nico gulped. "The... er..."

"What's that?"

"The... err... ripp... er? The reaper! Yes!"

"Nic..."

"Err... sss... ttt... rip... per... St. Reaper?"

"St... Reaper... Oh, you mean 'stripper', right?" That was Malcolm with his big smartbleep brain.

"Yes! I mean, no! No! Noo!"

-not a second sooner-

"You bleepity bleeping bleep bleep!" That was- Who else? Percy.

"Gah, gah-"

"Cut, cut, cut! I need more tape!" That was their dear cameraman. Who? Find out next time on 'Bleep!'.


End file.
